Friday, March 10, 2017

The Price of Love.



The holidays of Christmas,New Years,and Valentines have come and gone.
They were sweet. Quiet. Full of love and very special times with just the three of us. And small get togethers with family here and there. A little bitter taste in our hearts longing for the child we are adopting . On a very cold Christmas Eve my husband and I lay wide awake in the pitch dark. " It feels like someone special is missing, and they should be here." I said to no one in particular. Except maybe the darkness. My husband sighed " I thought for sure we would be holding a brand new bundle of joy by now". He said. Completely out of character for my very practical and patient husband.

Somehow knowing that he felt the same I did made me feel unified and not so alone.

Dec. 1 was the date we gave Babies R Us for our " due date " on our registry. 

We really had no clue if we would have the placement fee by then , let alone be matched or placed with a baby. But back in the summer , December seemed so far away. Surely by then we would be making great headway . 

There was hardly anyone to tell or share this season with. The pain of waiting. The very few that had experienced our pain before , knew there was little they could do other than to offer prayers. They rallied around us. Cheering us on, giving sacrificially of themselves in the form of some donations,but mostly baby clothes, and other items we would need for when the baby came. There were other small few that even though they had never walked this path, stood behind us . Helping us to press on and have hope.




But all this is a prelude to what I want to write. I want to somehow capture the words in our hearts and share them with you. Maybe you'll nod your head in agreement. Maybe it will unsettle you. Maybe it will confirm a longing in your heart. But mostly I want it to open your eyes. So you can see the redemptive love of Christ and see Amazing Grace in a way you never thought of before.




Adoption. The word brings to mind a lot of things. Maybe certain reality TV shows. Maybe the cost, and you're thinking ,YIKES! Maybe you think of foster care. Teen pregnancies . Infertility. Maybe you think of it as a solution to abortion. Children in other countries, starving, refugees, and utterly destitute. 

If you have done any ounce of trying to educate yourself on the subject ... You will find a million different view points.

You will find that most adoptions are very expensive. Dauntingly so. 

You will find that foster to adopt is more than likely less expensive.

You will find a majority of people who adopt or do foster to adopt have dealt or do deal with infertility.

You will find that once a conversation about adoption begins people say comments like;
 It's a crime that adoption is so expensive, when people are just throwing away their kids!
Adoption agencies are just taking you for a ride.
Why not just do foster care?
Why does it have to cost SO much?
You are so good and selfless to adopt.
It should be easier for good people like you to adopt and not so hard. All of these comments are well meaning. I have no doubt in my mind that these responses come from people who genuinely care about us, who love us and don't like to see us strive so hard to be adoptive parents.
I know that I have said some of these phrases many times. Over the course of this past year I've come to learn a lot. I've learned a lot about myself, society, and what God has to say about it.

If we can , I'd like to take a closer look.

What is revealed is that a majority of people have a totally warped idea of what adoption REALLY is.

Did you know adoption is very special to God? It's so special to Him because adoption is what He did for us. My theory is that , that is the very reason society (on the majority ) has such warped views about this subject. It reminds me of the picture of salvation through grace and faith in Jesus vs. religion. Religion says you have to somehow earn your way to heaven. Jesus says that he already paid the price on the cross when He defeated sin and death.Ephesians 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith;and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works lest any man should boast. Religion says you are worth nothing. Jesus says He loves you so much that YOU were the reason He came to die on the cross. He says you can be redeemed,and that when you accept His gift of salvation (which He freely gives) you are joint heirs with Him and are now in God's family. Galatians 3:29 And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.


So far on this journey, I have discovered that a majority of society likes the idea of adoption,they think it a good thing for good people to do. Typically when people find out we are adopting there is a congratulations. We smile and say thank you. Almost 98% of the time the very next thing they say is a negative comment on the cost of adoption , OR a question of how much exactly are we paying ?

This is either a result of a lack of education about adoption, or a subtle way to warn the adoptive parent to not ask them for money because they do not approve of such a high cost.You will usually be able to tell by the expression on their face. Many people get very defensive when they hear you are adopting. Even if you have never hinted at your hope of their participation in your journey.  And this is a very real reality I , myself was not prepared for. Society in general is all for adoption UNLESS there is a massive sacrifice involved. The cost of adoption is met with a sputter in shock that the adopting of a child has the audacity to be so expensive.

This type of defensiveness or hostility is not limited to the financial aspect of adoption. It covers emotions, birth mothers and fathers,what avenue of adoption you go through, diversity of race,what country or state your child is from, and whether or not your adopted child has been exposed to drugs,and alcohol while in the womb.

All of this is a reality. Satan uses it as a tool to discourage the adoptive parent and to twist the picture of the Gospel adoption gives.

All of this can be expected and come as no surprise from a community that largely does not know the love of Christ. But, it is a very discouraging thing to find this type of mentality so openly accepted within the family of God and those that claim to know Jesus and follow Him.

Adoption is a part of the Christian life, because it is a picture of what Jesus did on the cross for us.


I have often told my mother and close loved ones that the financial cost of adoption feels like a giant to me. A giant that occupies my promise. Very much like the giants that lived in the land of Canaan.

The Hebrew were coming in to possess the promise land, and 12 spies went into the land to check things out. In the book of Numbers 13:33 this is what they report from their mission. And there we saw giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants:and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight. 
Many of the men that came back did not want to go in and conquer these giants. They feared a great loss among the men of the Hebrew and had decided it was too great a sacrifice for them. They didn't want to claim their promised land.They had actually decided to reject God's promised land and GO BACK to Egypt where they had been in slavery. Two amazing men, Caleb and Joshua that had been in that company of spies decided to stand up. They tore their clothes,they were so grieved by the faithlessness of their brothers. This is what they said: The land which we passed through to search it, is an exceeding good land. If the Lord delight in us,then He will bring us into this land, and give it us; a land which floweth with milk and honey. Only rebel not ye against the LORD, neither fear ye the people of the land; for they are bread for us: their defense is departed from them, and the LORD is with us: fear them not.

I want to be like Joshua and Caleb.

Yes, the cost of adoption is high. The cost of any true love , is it not immensely sacrificial? Did God not send literally His only Son? To take upon himself the sins of the world,and die on a cross ,to be buried and rise again conquering death and hell. Providing for you and I, a way to be adopted into the family of God making us HIS sons and daughters should we only believe.

The price of love is every.thing.

The cost was covered by Jesus.

Lest, you think that this is a way for me to con money out of you,a post designed to evoke pity so that you will donate ... please hear this.

My God shall supply all my needs.

I know that MANY do not even have a spare penny.That's okay, because God has everything under control. He will work miracles. He will use someone , somewhere for His honor and glory. In all of this We will trust in HIM. His timing. His way. God has given us this promise. I will not allow this "giant" to discourage me from claiming what God has promised.


the cost of love. It has to be a sacrifice , how can we have love without it it?

For, truly the best and truest LOVE was on the cross.



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